crazy love words

Recommended Books

Based on my latest reading, these are my current top 5 recommended books for parenting kids who have traumatic backgrounds and/or challenging behaviors… I really love these books because they give you a framework from which to see the child and are easy to start implementing (though they take a lot of practice).

• Beyond Consequences, Logic & Control, Heather Forbes
• Attachment-focused Parenting, Daniel Hughes
• The Whole Brain Child, Daniel Siegel
• The Explosive Child, Ross Greene
• Unconditional Parenting, Alfie Kohn

I also highly recommend brushing up on childhood development, especially early childhood and elementary years since many of our kids are stuck there socially or emotionally. I just love these books, and many of them are just great for helping me learn how to deal better with ANYONE — not just my kids.

“It doesn’t work when it’s like that.”

A real life line from Husband when Little Man couldn’t pee during his late night potty break. Here’s hoping we can still avoid a wet bed.

Truthful Tuesday

ljfostering:

loveismayhem:

growinguplast:

Every home has that good cop/bad cop thing, right? It can’t just be my house where I’m the no-nonsense disciplinarian and Dad’s the spontaneous, flexible good guy.

So for Tuesday, let’s dish: who is who in your house?

It switches for us daily, but I’m definitely the one looked at as the least fun o the two of us.

I’m bad cop. Always. I do bed times and veggies and reminders for homework and tell them no:o

I am totally the bad cop with Diva (see previous post re: Daddy’s Little Girl). We are both learning how to be super-flexible and empathic cops with Little Man. It’s a growing experience.

Tmi again.

ljfostering:

I’m drooling over how attractive my husband is playing with kids.
Literally
Drooling.

I totally love how amazing Husband is with the kiddos, especially Diva. Him and Diva are having the best father-daughter love affair. She’s totally got him wrapped around her finger with Daddy’s Little Girl syndrome. It’s amazing to watch.

Also, I’ve gotten some requests to talk more about our journey to and through foster care… I’m mostly exhausted and unable to think enough to process. I would say that we are young and could try to conceive a child, if we so chose, but adoption has been something imprinted on my heart since I was 5 or 6 years old — and adoption of a child with a disability for almost as long. Luckily, the Husband has a huge heart and was totally game. Sometimes, he’s more in love than me! ;)

Feel free to drop any other questions in my ask box.

Summer vacation is going fairly well. I’m not completely burnt out. Yes, I realize that we are only 4 days in, but we have a child that can easily burn you out in that amount of time. Also, we are with him 24/7 right now, whereas there are camps and swim lessons and things later this summer. It is exhausting, though, because Little Man is intense, in everything. He is intensely happy, intensely silly, intensely angry, intensely fearful, intensely ridiculous. He does nothing halfway. This will surely be a strength of his one day, when we help him channel it.

Ima and abba are only semi-sticking. Mommy and daddy are popping up a lot more. We keep using ima and abba to refer to each other, so I hope that they stick with time. I don’t know why but I just am so much more okay with ima. 

I really need a week on an island where NO ONE needs me. I feel like I am needed by someone every five seconds and it is starting to make me want to combust.

Feeling frustrated with my kid today, and with myself. I don’t feel like myself. I am annoyed by his neediness and his complete inability to just follow a damn direction. And my relationship is starting to take a hit. Sigh. We need a break.

Bridging the gap.

I love my darlings. I love them dearly. I am so glad they are in my life. But being adopted from foster care doesn’t make them lucky. Being adopted by us doesn’t make them lucky. You know what would have been lucky? To be born in a place where their family would have had the supports to stay together. To be born into a family where they could stay together and be happy from the beginning. 

It is a tragedy that they are not with their birth mom and birth dad. No, it is not safe for them. Yes, this is the best alternative. Yes, they are our family. Yes, they are my kids. But it is a loss that they will grieve forever. A loss that most people in the world will not even recognize. A loss that some in the foster care and adoptive communities do not even recognize. I will never let them feel alone in that loss.